![]() ![]() Paddy replied, “T’is holy water from Knock Shrine. “What have you there?” asked a suspicious customs officer. Paddy was walking through customs at the airport, carrying a large bottle. He told Danny, “Abstinence is a wonderful thing.” Danny replied, “Shure and I know it is Father, if it’s practiced in moderation.” Father O’Malley quickly addressed the demon drink and the problems it causes. If I'm not home in 30 minutes, read this message again."ĭanny staggered out of the pub one Saturday evening and bumped into his parish priest, Father O’Malley. Sean sent a text to Mary, "I'm just having one more pint with the lads. ![]() He said, ‘Paddy, me boyo, you should drink less.’” ![]() “What is it? One of those fancy foreign beers?” Paddy replied, “To be honest with you I’m not sure. ![]() I’ll be havin’ a pint of your finest Less.” “Less? Never heard of it,” replied Séamus. “The usual Paddy?” Asked the barkeep at Paddy’s local. You see, both Mick and me are alcoholics and we’re on the patch.” “We haven’t had a drop to drink tonight at all.” “Well, I do have to ask you, what on earth are those things on your forehead?” “Oh, dat’s easy, officer. Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?” “Oh, no, sir,” Sean replied. Then he asks Sean, “Sir, have you been drinking?” “Oh, no, sir.” “Right,” the officer said, “I noticed you were weaving back and forth across the motorway. The officer approached and looked at them kind of funny and asked to see Sean’s driver’s license. Sean slowed down and pulled the car over to the side of the road and stopped. Then just shove the bottles underneath the seat and let me do the talking.” Mick and Sean both quickly peeled the labels off their bottles of Guinness and then shoved the bottles under their seats. First, we are going to peel the labels off our bottles of Guinness, and we are going to stick one on each of our foreheads. Mick said, “Sean, what are we going to do?” Sean replied, “Don’t worry Mick me old mate. Suddenly, Sean saw lights flashing in his rear-view mirror, it was the Garda, the Irish police signaling them to pull over. They were laughing and telling jokes and they were also drinking bottles of Guinness Stout. Mick and Sean were having a grand time driving from Dublin to Cork. Paddy yelled at Sean, “You stupid eejit! I was screaming for you to watch out for the wall, why didn’t you turn the wheel or step on the brakes or something?” Sean answered, “Because, Paddy, you were the one driving!” Suddenly, Paddy started screaming, “Sean, look out for the wall, stop the car, don’t hit the…” As the car slammed into the wall with an almighty CRASH! Dazed from their wreck, Paddy and Sean stumbled out of the car. Paddy and Sean were driving home from the pub, having spent the afternoon lifting a few pints. “It was about a block up the street.” “So why are we looking here Timothy?” Patrick asked, scratching his head. “Where abouts did you fall?” Patrick asked. It fell off when I tripped over the pavement.” So, Patrick joined in the search, but after looking for ages, they hadn’t found any sign of Timothy’s watch. “What is it you lost Timothy?” Patrick asked. The judge angrily pounded his gravel on his table and shouted, “Order, order!” Mick immediately responded, “Thank you, your honour, I’ll have a whiskey, make it a double.”Īs he was leaving the pub, after lifting a few pints, Patrick spotted his friend Timothy down on his hands and knees under the streetlight looking for something on the ground. The judge was just about to address Mick when there was a loud commotion from the gallery. After a hard night of drinking, Mick Shea had was arrested for chorusing and carrying on and was brought before the judge. ![]()
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